A521.4.3.RB_HansardCarey
After
reading chapter 5 in the McKay, Davis, and Fanning text, I can definitely see
myself and many people I know in the roles they have identifed. I see myself in
the “You’re Good (But I’m Not) category. While I was reading it, I could hear
myself saying things like, “You are so good at this!” or, “It would take me
forever to do that!” After reading page 82, I believe what the explanation that
the text provides for this behavior. “….after all, how can you really get angry
at someone who’s already down on themselves?” If I seem pitiful in some way,
people will help me out. This is not something that I do intentionally or even
realized was a behavior that someone had identified prior to reading it here. This
is a behavior that I do not see as attractive when I read about it and want to
make a conscience effort to curb. It will be difficult for me to do, though.
Sometimes, I really do feel that it would take me forever to do something and
it is so much faster to ask someone who I know is an expert at it to do it or
help with it.
I also
recognize the, “I’m Good (But You’re Not) mentality. I work with someone who
likes to sit in my office and tell me how everyone else in the office is a
nincompoop and she has to do everything because nobody else can do it right. That
gets old quickly. It is part of her job to do things for other people. It is
not that they cannot do it for themselves; it is that she is supposed to do it
in the course of her job duties, so they ask her to do it. She likes to think
that she “runs the department” because of this.
The
authors also talk about transactional analysis and determining whether your
communication is coming from the parent, child, or adult within. Again, I
identify with one role in particular, although I know that the others exist as
well. I find myself taking the role of parent many times, especially with my
coworker. I make an effort not to do this with him, but I know that I do it
anyway. He is about 15 years younger than me, which really makes no difference,
but that could be one reason why I do it. He has a different personality type
than I do and he is adventurous. I, on the other hand, usually play it safe and
err on the side of caution. In analyzing my behavior, I think that they parent
and adult sides of me are much more used than the child side. I think the fact
that he is coming more from a child’s perspective and I from the perspective of
the parent makes this a complementary transaction.
Finally,
in chapter 4, the authors discuss body language. I tend to talk a lot with my
facial expressions and arm movements. I am not sure if this is something that I
have always done or whether it started when I became a teacher. Instead of
using words to let students know that I did not agree with their behavior
sometimes, I would make faces at them. Most of the time, I would try to make
them exaggerated faces so that the students would see that I was not trying to
be harsh with them, but that I did expect a different behavior. Students may
argue with words but tend to laugh at weird faces and, surprisingly, end up
doing what you want, too.
I frequently use intonation as
another communication tool. As a foreign language teacher, we teach students
that the tone of your voice changes when asking questions or when you are
excited about something. This spills over into other aspects of speaking, too,
but it is something that I have always been aware of. Nobody wants the monotone
teacher like Ben Stein in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”. All that gets you is a
bunch of bored people who are not paying attention to you.
In general, I think many will agree
that what we do not say says a heck of a lot more than what we do!
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